You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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