I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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