I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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