I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
