I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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