just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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