You just made me feel so damn special
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
