Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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