Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Congratulations! We have a period
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
