The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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