Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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