these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
