i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize