i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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