If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
