Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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