i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
