Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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