I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
