I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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