I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
