Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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