it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
