It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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