I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
