Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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