you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
