Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have post one night stand depression
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