Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My pussy is not your playground.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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