I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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