i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
