So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
