I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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