she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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