The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
