I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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