After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm at about main and main street
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
