Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
