Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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