Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
