There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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