look no pants
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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