i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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