Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize