belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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