If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
