Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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