My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How's work?
Spinning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
