Pants 0. Shit 1.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
