his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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