one two three fourrrrnication!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
