I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
