i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
