I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize