remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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