Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
