Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
