I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
