my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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