riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
