so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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