Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
