he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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