Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is Oprah even human
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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