Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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